How to Talk to Men who are Abusive

Sometimes people around a man who is abusive overlook his behaviour and only focus on supporting the woman who is being abused. At other times, people may sympathize with the man who is being abusive, which may inadvertently escalate his abuse.

Talking to a man who is abusive is an important part of preventing domestic violence, but it needs to be done carefully. Abusive behaviour won’t go away on its own. There are services to help him in his community.

Here is what you can do when you recognize the warning signs of abuse:

• Choose the right time and place to have a full discussion.

• Approach him when he is calm.

• Be direct and clear about what you have seen.

• Tell him that his behaviour is his responsibility. Avoid making judgmental comments about him as a person. Don’t validate his attempt to blame others for his behaviour.

• Inform him that his behaviour needs to stop.

• Don’t try to force him to change or to seek help. Tell him that you are concerned for the safety ofhis partner and children.

• Never argue with him about his abusive actions. Recognize that confrontational, argumentative approaches may make the situation worse and put her at higher risk.

• Call the police if the woman’s safety is in jeopardy.

If he denies the abuse:

• Men who are abusive will often minimize theimpact and deny that they have done anythingwrong. They may state that it isn’t that bad orblame the victim for their actions. This type of behaviour deflects his own responsibility for his actions.

• Keep your conversation focused on your concerns for his family’s safety and well-being and reiterate that abuse is never an answer.

• Keep the lines of communication open and look for opportunities to help him find support.

Always keep yourself safe. Don’t get in the middle of an assault. Call the police in an emergency.

Courtesy of Neighbours, Friends and Families