Domestic Violence

Domestic violence can also be referred to as: spousal abuse, woman abuse, family abuse, gender-based violence and violence against women.

What is Domestic Abuse?
What to Do If You Have Experienced Domestic Abuse
Effects of Domestic Abuse on Children
Dating Violence
Elder Abuse
Where Older Adults Can Get Help

What is Domestic Abuse?

There are many definitions of domestic violence - it includes, but is not limited to, the use of physical, psychological or sexual force, actual or threatened, in an intimate relationship (e.g. marital, common-law, same-sex, dating).  Abusive partners use these tactics to exert power and control over their victim and it can happen once or it may occur in a repeated and escalating pattern over a period of months or years during a relationship as well as after it has ended. 

The United Nation’s Declaration on the Elimination of Violence against Women and signed by Canada, states that “violence against women is a manifestation of historically unequal relations between men and women, which have led to domination over and discrimination against women by men and to the prevention of the full advancement of women” and that “some groups of women, such as women belonging to minority groups, indigenous women, refugee women, migrant women, women living in rural or remote communities, destitute women, women in institutions or in detention, female children, women with disabilities, elderly women and women in situations of armed conflict are especially vulnerable to violence”.

There are many different forms of abuse:

Physical abuse or the threat of physical abuse is against the law.  It can cause an injury or put a person at risk of being injured and can include pushing, hitting, shaking, beating, choking, biting, burning, kicking, confinement or assaulting with a weapon.  Even if the assault appears minor, it should be taken seriously as it may be the beginning of a pattern of assault that becomes more serious and happens more often.

Sexual abuse or the threat of sexual abuse can occur in an intimate relationship although many women are reluctant to acknowledge this form of abuse.  It is against the law and includes all forms of sexual assault, sexual harassment or sexual exploitation.  Forcing someone to participate in unwanted, unsafe or degrading sexual activity again demonstrates the power and control the abuser is seeking and puts women in extreme jeopardy of their immediate safety along with possible health issues that may develop later.

Psychological and emotional abuse is used to make a person afraid and to control them.  It includes verbal attacks such as yelling, screaming and name-calling, using criticism, threatening a person or their loved ones, social isolation, intimidation, stalking, damaging their possessions and threatening to harm and/or harm their pets. 

Financial abuse or the control of money is another serious aspect of woman abuse.  Having no access to money, not being allowed to work or to have to turn all earnings or social assistance over to the abuser is a major factor in keeping women from leaving their abuser.  Financial abuse can also occur in affluent as well as low-income families.

The following model shows how power and control tactics, not actual physical harm or beatings, demonstrate the core of woman abuse as perpetrated by men.

Power and Control Wheel

Click on the image for a larger version.

Using intimidation: making her afraid by using looks, actions, gestures, smashing things, destroying her property, abusing pets, displaying weapons.

Using emotional abuse: putting her down, making her feel bad about herself, calling her names, making her think she's crazy, playing mind games, humiliating her, making her feel guilty.

Using isolation: controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads, where she goes, limiting her outside involvement, using jealousy to justify actions.

Minimizing, denying, and blaming: making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously, saying the abuse didn't happen, shifting responsibility for abusive behavior, saying she caused it.

Using children: making her feel guilty about the children, using the children to relay messages, using visitation to harass her, threatening to take children away.

Using male privilege: treating her like a servant, making all the big decisions, acting like the "master of the castle", being the one to define men's and women's roles.

Using economic abuse: preventing her from getting or keeping a job, making her ask for money, giving her an allowance, taking her money, not letting her know about or have access to family income.

Using coercion and threats: making and/or carrying out threats to hurt her, threatening to leave her, to commit suicide, to report her to welfare, making her drop charges, making her do illegal things.
The Power & Control Wheel and information is from the
Duluth, Minnesota Domestic Violence Program

It is important to understand why women stay in abusive relationships, often keep returning to those same abusive relationships and why it takes women so long to leave.  By understanding, we will not blame women but will support them in every way possible, so that they can live with their children in a violence-free environment.  The following outlines some of those reasons:

• they love their partner, they just want the abuse to stop
• they think the abuse will stop
• they do not want to take their children away from their father
• they think they are the cause of the abuse and keep trying to not upset, anger their partner
• they don’t have the financial resources to leave and know that they will likely face severe hardships
• they have been so isolated from family and friends they don’t know where to turn for help and assistance
• their health and self-esteem has been so affected that they don’t have the strength to leave
• they are afraid to leave because of threats made in case they do
• they are afraid for the lives of their children or other family members
• there are no housing resources
• they are afraid their children will be taken away from them
• they have no money to pay for legal resources
• they are embarrassed that this is happening in their family or relationship
• it is important to keep the “family secret”
• they are not believed when they have told a friend, physician, family member, etc.
• their religious beliefs prevent them from leaving
• the abuser has promised to change and is remorseful for what he has done (often called the honeymoon phase of the cycle of violence)
• they are afraid they will be deported if their abuser is their sponsor
• they are dependent on their abuser for care
• they understand they are at greatest risk when they attempt to leave (it has been estimated that the danger to a victim increases by 70% when she attempts to leave, as the abuser escalates his use of violence when he begins to lose control)
• social and justice systems may have been unresponsive, insensitive or ineffective in the past
• they may have to leave their community to be safe, disrupting schooling and employment

What to Do If You Have Experienced Domestic Abuse

• Go to a safe place, e.g. a neighbour, friend, police
• Contact the local crisis line and they can offer support and information about your options – 24 hour service
  Guelph-Wellington Women In Crisis
  

  519-836-5710
  TOLL FREE  1-800-265-SAFE (7233)

• Go to your local hospital/Guelph General Hospital,(even if you don’t want to report to the police) where you will be put in contact wit h the specialized services of the Domestic Violence Care & Treatment Centre (Guelph General Hospital) – 24 hour services for Guelph and Wellington County
  

  519-837-6440 ext. 2210

• contact the local police – 24 hour service - 911
• REMEMBER, the abuse is not your fault

The member organizations of the Guelph-Wellington Action Committee on Sexual Assault & Domestic Violence are committed to providing a coordinated response for victims of domestic violence.  We ensure, that no matter what entry point you reach out for help and services, that you will receive, either directly or through an appropriate referral, information about all of your choices and options. 

Your immediate safety and need for medical services will be assessed, a risk assessment will be completed to provide you with information about the safety of both you and your children, you will be informed about issues of confidentiality and child protection (if children are involved), and you will be assisted with referrals to appropriate services such as Women In Crisis, Guelph General Hospital, Police and Victim Services.

You are not alone – we can provide support and assistance for you.

Effects of Domestic Abuse on Children

Suffice it to say, when there is domestic violence in the home, children are impacted in many ways.  Think about what it would be like to want to have a friend over after school to play but you don’t ask in fear of what might happen.  Think about what it would be like to have to keep the “secret” because if you don’t something bad might happen to you or your pet.  Think about what it would be like to see your mom hurt by your dad.  Think about what it would be like to have to see the police come to your home and possibly take your dad away.  Think about what it would be like to have to run from your home at night to go to a shelter with a lot of other people and have to change schools and leave your friends.  Think about what it would be like to see your mom hurt and bleeding.  This has happened to countless children where there is abuse in the home.  Some children have even been killed and we will never know the terror they experienced at the hands of someone who should have only cared, loved and nurtured them – not used them as a way of getting back or permanently scarring their mother.

Think of all the children who experienced this violence and are now in their teen years.  Many are using alcohol and drugs, having trouble in school because they can’t concentrate, getting into trouble with the law, dealing with mental health issues, have low self-esteem, don’t have many friends, don’t feel safe and have to help out at home in a “caretaker” role.  Some may even act out in an aggressive manner as they have seen at home, especially to get what they want.

Yes, children are impacted, but it is also important to remember that they are very resilient.  Early intervention is the key to lessening this impact and it is all of our responsibility to ensure this happens.  Prevention and awareness programs in the schools play an important part in breaking the cycle of violence and identifying resources that are available for those who are listening and know that this is going on in their family.

Listening carefully and knowing what to do if a child does disclose to you that his mother is being hurt or he/she has been hurt.  Recognizing the signs that can indicate that this child could have witnessed abuse in the home.  Knowing your responsibilities to contact Family and Children’s Services if you suspect that a child is being harmed in any way both as a professional and as a community member.  People in general need to recognize how harmful domestic violence is to children.  This can help the victims of violence to realize that it shouldn’t be happening to them and that they can ask for help.

Family & Children’s Services of Guelph & Wellington County
519-824-2410 or 1-800-265-8300

Dating Violence

As a teenager, college student, adult, you need to recognize the signs of abuse in a dating relationship:

• abuses drugs or alcohol
• doesn’t take you seriously
• criticizes you, humiliates or degrades you
• friends or family have warned you about him or her
• has a history of bad relationships and blames the “ex”
• constantly wants to be with you or know where you are
• calls you on your cell phone repeatedly to keep track of you
• has a violent temper, has weapons, has a violent history
• makes most of all of the decisions about the relationship
• is jealous or possessive of you and won’t let you have friends
• pressures you for sex and uses guilt trips, “if you love me…”
• says he will kill himself if you break up with him
• stalks you after you have broken up

These are warning signs that you may be in danger or experiencing abuse within your relationship.  Tell somebody you trust that you are concerned about your relationship and/or call a local crisis line to find support and referrals to assist you. 

Please check out the following sites for more detailed information and resources for Domestic Violence:

www.womanabuseprevention.com – Education Wife Assault
www.lfcc.on.ca – Centre for Children and Families in the Justice System

Elder Abuse

Elder Abuse or abuse of a senior is any action by someone in a position of trust that causes harm to an older person.  Victims of abuse often know, trust, and depend on the person/people who; hurt the, They may be dependent on their abusers for food, shelter, personal care or companionship.  The most “at risk” to abuse are vulnerable isolated seniors.  The abuse often continues unreported due to fear, shame and the belief that police and/or social service agencies can’t help. 

The following are common forms of elder abuse:

• financial
• emotional
• neglect
• physical
• sexual

In addition, victims of abuse may not be able to protect themselves if they are suffering from dementia or other cognitive problems.  In these instances, the senior may require the protection of a substitute decision-maker or the office of the Public Guardian and Trustee
(1-800-366-0335).

Where Older Adults Can Get Help

www.sos-guelph-wellington.ca – Elder Abuse – What Is It & What Can
You Do

www.onpea.org - The Ontario Network For The Prevention of Elder Abuse

Victim Support Line – 8:00 AM-10:00 PM, 7 days/week)
1-888-579-2888

Wellington Dufferin Community Mental Health Clinic – Information Referral Service 519-821-2060

Community Care Access Centre of Wellington-Dufferin
519-823-2550 or 1-800-265-8338

Wellington/Dufferin Elder Abuse Community Consultation Team
519-820-4342

Telephone Support – SOS-Seniors Offering Support-519-767-4445 11:00 am – 3:00 pm, Monday to Friday

Emergency Services

• Guelph General Hospital – Domestic Violence Program
  519-822-5350 or 519-837-6440 ext. 2210
• Women In Crisis 519-836-5710 or 1-800-265-7233
• Emergency Housing – Wellington County Social Services
  519-837-2670 ext. 352 or after hours through
  Victim Services 519-824-1212